Memories

Hi…

I am really happy today, after quite sometimes, I have a chance chat with zeeta again this morning. Even for a short time, but it was worthwhile. Missed her..:)

Chatting to her remind me using of yahoo messenger. I was used to the yahoo messenger since I learn and know about internet. I never learn it from anyone or books but I explore it by myself.

With a new computer bought by my mum 10 years ago, I registered myself to internet using TM Net and all were started from there.

I get to know Z via yahoo messenger. It was happened when I browsed the net user, I found a name “mohd” but the gender is “female”. That was attracted me, till I added him in my list. And everything is start from that day. It was somewhere in end of 1998.

I used to know him as a very serious man. Quite sensitive in personal things. Sometimes moody. And I still remember I was using the big Motorola mobile phone that time. J
After a year chatting via the messenger I quit chatting with him after he failed turn up in our first meeting. He was there but he did not come up after he saw I came with my friend.

We have been silent for strictly one year. And somewhere in December 2001 we met for the first time. I never been hold that long for meeting someone I know over the internet. But it was happened to me when I know Z.

We used to chat on the net. We were talked into anything. But the best is, I never feel anything special about him. It was just like friend..a sort of good friend. Even He was quite reserved and mostly did not talk anything about his personal and I never care about it, that time. I even did not know where he was working.

The first meeting was in Bandar S. And it was followed by many meetings cum dating till the last one, in my home town. He was here when he was on the way to Bandar R. And it was a surprised because that was the last meeting for us.

There are so many happy and sad moments all those years. Even there are two or three times we were been silent or not contact each other until 6 months. I had a very unique relationship with him. He taught me to be strong and more independent. For the first two years we were not like any common lovers. Even he seldom say such those nice and sweet words but deep inside I know he loves me.

What I like most about him is he never mentions what is past. If we had a fight, big or small, it will back to normal once we met. And we never mention about it again. Seems nothing happened and there were no more things to talk or discuss.

I just love whenever he went for outstation. Especially when he took flight. Send him to the airport and fetched him when he back from outstation was the best one. But I like more to picked up him from the airport. Waiting him at the arrival was the best moment. Seeing him walking out from the gate was the best one. Like that I’ve never seen him for many years, sometimes.

The another best moment was happened when I had a course in K. He was there at my last day in K. Due to that I was delayed my journey home just to be with him. It was the first time that we had time together for the whole night. It never came across my mind, but Alhamdullillah, we were good taking care of ourselves. We were behaving very well. I know being an intimate couple is not easy. Dugaannya banyak. I admit; if we are not that strong, don’t ever try to be so “daring”. Well, I’m not that good as well, but I was so grateful that time that I’m not much intended to go further or much extremes.

Kissing and hugging were common. It was totally wrong, but I’m helpless. I can’t help myself, even I’ve been regret for any times after I made it, but it’s still happened whenever we met. Anyway, I’m still grateful; it was only me and Z. That’s why, there were many times, I told Z..I won’t marry another, except him.

Anyway, a plan is just a plan. We don’t have a power to make it true. What is done is done. Well, the bad experience must give me a good lesson. I’m trying to be a better person and hopefully not to make another same mistake.

I am getting older, and I’m keeping praying that Allah will forgive me and give me a better life, insyaAllah.

Goodbye Z

hello.

Me and Z had ended up our almost 10 years relationship about last 2 weeks. Precisely on Nov 6. It was the most sad moment in my life. I wish that decision will last forever. I have to make a move and Z set me free.

We had no fight and everything was happen just online. No calls.

I cried in front of the pc and had 3 straight bad days. I've no mood for a week. I felt so low and helpless but it is great now, I've made it.

I'm still thinking of him occasionally but not seriously.

I can get over it, eventually.

I've deleted his numbers, office and all the friend's mobile in my list.

No more Z. Well..no regret. It's just we don;t have a chance to be husband and wife as we were expected before.

Well...life has to goes on.

It's November Now

Hello..

whoaaaa..it's November already.

I' wonder how is zeeta, right now. hope you are okay !

And the sakura as well..

Well...wow there are so much to write. After a while.
By the way, I had a good fasting month and raya celebration.

Abg and I still going on.

Z, i met him last week. He was in town. I'm quite surprised that he took a long way to come over. He was on the way to the south, for work..as usual.

I had a berbuka puasa with abg once. And with Z once as well. :)

But I never meet abg since the raya but met Z last week...i've mentioned just now.

heehehehe...

Everything is going well, so far.

I'll write in soon.