After A Year.....

Hello..

It was more than a year now. To be frank, I did not read my blog since December last year..or maybe earlier than that. I've checked, the last date I wrote in here was somewhere in July. Even started from January 2008, I never been here, not to write but haven't have a time to come and read, especially read those messages from the net pals...such as zeeta and sakura. I'm sorry for that, dear !

But when I managed to log on last week...I'm so surprised to see there few messages in the comment. Since that, I felt can't wait anymore to write again here. Seems there a lot of stories that I want to share and to tell you all.

Eventhough, perhaps some of the things I can't recall back since its have been a year...

But the story is still the same. I met Z few times...even I've wrote not to see him again (in my previuos blog)..hahahaha..Even Z also has known that I'm going to get marry ..with "abg"...still with abg...hehehehehe.

There was a time...Z has became my counsellor ragarding of my probem with abg. You see that ??

That was happen when there was a time....when we have not contacted for quite long time. Since I've made the decision in July 2007...I've managed to hold back not to contact him until one day..he was the one who contacted me first. If I'm not mistaken that was somewhere in May 2008.

By that time I was struggled with some problems...not a problem..i must say..there's something related with abg jugak lah. That will be another story.....I'll write it later...

Since that Z knows that I'm really have someone else..(maybe for the while he thought that I might not do that to him) and I'm really serious about the relationship even I'm really looking for get married.

He was not that really surprised, even did not looked frustrated...(did I expected him to look frust?) no..lah. But, he did mentioned to me that even he did not look like seriously in the relationship...but actually he was really serious and tried to find way how to get thing on track and managed to take me to be his wife.

I told him, it was late now. I said that by that time..I am preparing myself to be "someone's wife". He wanted to know who is the man...but I refused to tell him. I just told him there is a man from my hometown, who is in 50's, divorced with 4 kids.

He was quite shocked with the age gap, which is older than him. But I never explained to him when, where or how I met him (abg). But he wanted to know how long that I've been with abg..I told him..I know him long time ago....but it was just not more than a friend...

Since that...well..he did gave me some advices. I think he did the right thing though. I know Z cannot make a move. He cannot leaves his family behind. Even he cannot manage to have 2 wives at a time.

He do love me, but he just can't. I do love him too, but I also can't do anything.

So...we still keep in touch each other. Since in May 2008. I met him twice in Ramadhan. But none after the Hari Raya.

I think we have come to one consensus, that we have to respect each other's decision. I have to understand that he has a family..and he as well has to understand that I need to make a move to start a new life.

Even now I think we became to be more as a good friend. Even sometimes...when I look into his eyes, or when I walked side by side with him..I wish that we can be more than a good friend.

I was in Dida's wedding. Where I brought a gife for her..I wrote on the card that gift was from me and Z. Dida was surprised also to see that and as usual she was confused again. We went bought the present together, a week before Dida's wedding.

The feeling towards him....i just can't explain. I know, I can't be like that such thing. I have to be good to abg. Not being stray with Z anymore. But....I think I know what I mean.

It's all up to you how to judge me until what I did right now.

For me as long..I know what I do...not to go beyond what I should not do..is good for me.

To abg...I'm so sorry..abg.