Good News, Sometimes Can Be Bad News

Hi,

Here we are again. I had a very terrible day since the weekend. It's just yesterday the things seem got back on track.

I went to one of my favourite aunt's house last Sunday. Everyone was there like a big gathering. We haven't been together for quite a long time, since the holiday in August. Well, as usual, when everyone was there...there must be something interesting to talk or do. Me and Anna had a great sugar cane juice with ice in the middle of the day during this fasting month. ( A gift from God). We talked and talked into everything from one story to another. And then, came the good news, which its happened turn to be bad news for someone.:(

Aunt ngah had brought up the matter of marriage (again). And everybody on the floor was so excited. As usual when came to that topic...lol. But this time, she's the one who wanted to introduce me....read again..."me" to someone. Whoaaaaaaaaaa . I'm terriblely shock with the news. She had been promised to herself not to do such thing in the future after she had failed to do that with Aunt Lang marriage. But this time, I don't know where she got the idea wanted to arrange someone with me.

Politely, she said, it's just for a start. Mean, she just want to introduce, and the rest is in my hand. And as usual I will laughed for this such of suggestion. While the rest are getting excited coz' they said, there are quite a long period we don't have any marriage ceremony. (But what the hell with me !!!) And sis Long said, it is a right time for the ceremony because there's been quite a lont time also we don't have any "newcomer" (baby) in our big family.

Deep in my heart, I told myself, are they all crazy? They juggle my life just for the sake for wanted having the ceremony and baby. That one part of the story.

The second part, was once I got home. I can't hardly wait to tell abg. After 5 minutes I was ready for bed, abg called. He just wanted to say goodnite as usual, but poor him I told him the news, which is turned to be bad news for him.

He got speechless once he heard that news. Even he prayed that I will like the guy and wished that he would be better than him. I'm shocked and suprised. How could he said that. I was hoped that he will "fight" for me. He would not let anyone to take away me from him. But that was totally not he did.

And I was crying all the way he talked on the phone. I just can't imagine how it would be without him. Once I put down the phone, I got realised that I do love him. Even I'm not very sure of that for the time being. If we sad to leave or say goodbye to someone who is so dear to you, thats mean , you are really care and love him. And I continued cried till the next morning.

Abg did not called or sms me since the early morning as he usual did till the afternoon. He seems so sad and cold. And until the night he called and told me that he can't said anything because he loved me so much. He just can't imagine the worst that he lost me to someone else, that soon.

We talked over the phone and discuss the matter. We make it clear and I told him, we haven't started any. And by that time, I knew it, he's really meant for what he said and done for me.

So, sometimes, the good news for some people can might be bad for others. He said, he just can;t stand to hear that such of news. He so sad, till that night he did not sleep till the next morning. I really regret for told him about that. I should not..right?

I made him sad for the rest of the day.

Until last night, we had a talked again and I appologised for what happened. We made a conssensses. We will try to make our way, as the best as we can. And again, we live it to God coz God knows better.

SMS

hi again.

Just can't wait tomorrow to write this :)

Abg had sms me just now. He's been complained that I did not sent him any sms since the afternoon. He complained that I would not sent any if he did not sent me first.

That was not the reason I didn't sms him. Its just I want to avoid all the havocs. I don;t want to create any problems especially with kakak. So, I told him, I have to explain to him, it's not that I don't want to send the sms, but I can't. I want..but I can't. I just can't.

So, we have to be patience. A lot. To make our dream come true, there must be much things to sacrifice. Be patience abg.

so, here the sms for you.

"abg, I do miss you, too"

I miss him

hello.

At time, when we wake up in the morning, sometimes, we missed someone for NO reason.

Just like I felt this morning. I woke up 5 minutes before 6 in this morning. And the moment I woke up from the great rest, its just abg in my mind. How great the God sent me that such feeling early in the morning before I start my day today. Thank you God.

I would confessed that was the thing that hinch me...I called it "missing". I do miss him this morning. I just laid down for another 10 minutes, wished that how nice if abg was with me, that time.

I've been promised to myself, not to think or dream so much about the life especially this mushy love story. I don't want to let myself been 'dreaming' again. But, there's nothing much to do, as long we're human. Nothing much ! I just give it back to HIM. Coz' I believe GOD knows better.

And again, as human, there's a thing we called 'fitrah"(nature) of people, sometimes, we just simply love to think about something that not to be think so much.

I just felt the presence of abg. Maybe he's getting close to me now. Yes, that would my pray for the last few months. It's just that sometimes, I've been thinking too, whether is that what I'm really want.

Abg might not be perfect. As the say goes by "When we love, it isn't because the person's perfect, it's because we learn to see an imperfect person perfectly." That what I thought about abg and me, recently.

Abg, I love you.