Look, How Bad Am I
Hello.
I got back home yesterday. But due to the tiredness I was unable to write in here.
It was a very hectic days. Even I haven’t a chance to go to the hotel’s business centre for checking any email.
I slept the whole day after I reached home yesterday evening. And I continued till this afternoon. Only after that I had my meal (lunch).
And being away for 3 days, there are lots of stories. And for 2 days I’ve been thinking about to meet Z. Z had called me many times when I was in M. Z invited me to go KL and we planned to meet up. I’ve made a decision wanted to meet him, for the last one. I want to tell him all about who are Mrs..F and the cute girl F . I want him to know why I have to take this path. I want him to understand it perfectly. And most of all, I want him to know that I do love him and I want we to really “grow” from now. We have to leave the past and look forward. He got everything that what a man ever dream and wanted in his life. While I have to go for what I dream and want for so long time ago. We have to make a move. Leave everything behind for good this time. And for real as well. I hope both of us can accept this situation. And I want both of us can turn to be a good friends as well in the future. No matter how much we like or love each other, but the situation never compromised, so we have to surrender to the nature. No heart feeling. I want to see him for the last time. And I know he wants to meet me badly.
While abg is another story. I got a bit uneasy feeling for the past few days. I dreamt he was crying the day before I left to M. Well, I didn’t understand until today he told me something about kakak. For him is a good news, but not for me. Kakak had sent him a sms this morning, giving him permission to proceed his wishing to marry another one. “ kalau awak dah tak tahan sangat , kahwinlah dan bawaklah perempuan tu jumpa saya”. I told abg, do not so happy with that message. She might want to test him. I want him to take few times to think about it. I know, she might dah “lembut hati” but not that easy.
And, myself, I don’t know what to do right now. 3 days I was in M, and I was been involved in few talks, it have been taught me so many things. I’ve been looking into myself. I’ve been felt that I’m, bit selfish…not bit..but I’m really selfish.
*sigh*
But now, at last, I want to leave both of them. That what I feel right now. I don’t want to be with abg and either with Z. I’m totally down right now. I’ve been thinking into so many things, til I don’t know what I’m thinking.
I feel that I’m not worthy for both of them, especially abg.
I’m so sorry abg. Please forgive me.
I got back home yesterday. But due to the tiredness I was unable to write in here.
It was a very hectic days. Even I haven’t a chance to go to the hotel’s business centre for checking any email.
I slept the whole day after I reached home yesterday evening. And I continued till this afternoon. Only after that I had my meal (lunch).
And being away for 3 days, there are lots of stories. And for 2 days I’ve been thinking about to meet Z. Z had called me many times when I was in M. Z invited me to go KL and we planned to meet up. I’ve made a decision wanted to meet him, for the last one. I want to tell him all about who are Mrs..F and the cute girl F . I want him to know why I have to take this path. I want him to understand it perfectly. And most of all, I want him to know that I do love him and I want we to really “grow” from now. We have to leave the past and look forward. He got everything that what a man ever dream and wanted in his life. While I have to go for what I dream and want for so long time ago. We have to make a move. Leave everything behind for good this time. And for real as well. I hope both of us can accept this situation. And I want both of us can turn to be a good friends as well in the future. No matter how much we like or love each other, but the situation never compromised, so we have to surrender to the nature. No heart feeling. I want to see him for the last time. And I know he wants to meet me badly.
While abg is another story. I got a bit uneasy feeling for the past few days. I dreamt he was crying the day before I left to M. Well, I didn’t understand until today he told me something about kakak. For him is a good news, but not for me. Kakak had sent him a sms this morning, giving him permission to proceed his wishing to marry another one. “ kalau awak dah tak tahan sangat , kahwinlah dan bawaklah perempuan tu jumpa saya”. I told abg, do not so happy with that message. She might want to test him. I want him to take few times to think about it. I know, she might dah “lembut hati” but not that easy.
And, myself, I don’t know what to do right now. 3 days I was in M, and I was been involved in few talks, it have been taught me so many things. I’ve been looking into myself. I’ve been felt that I’m, bit selfish…not bit..but I’m really selfish.
*sigh*
But now, at last, I want to leave both of them. That what I feel right now. I don’t want to be with abg and either with Z. I’m totally down right now. I’ve been thinking into so many things, til I don’t know what I’m thinking.
I feel that I’m not worthy for both of them, especially abg.
I’m so sorry abg. Please forgive me.
posted by cahaya at 6:16 PM
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