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Assalamualaikum..

Hi, it’s Friday again. Here comes the weekend.

It was a very hectic days for me for this week. Boss will be away for three weeks time. Means jobs will be double for everyone in office. Anyway it’s will be a bit of joy without boss around. No boss means can get over rules…hehehehe.

Abg had come back yesterday. He was sound so great on the phone. He called me when he was in Jeddah. He promised me to call before took of on the plane but he did not managed to do it.

He sms me once he touched down. Asked where I am. He expected me to be at the airport, but that would be impossible. I’ve been thinking about it as well, few days before he came back. I might be there and see from far away, but after I think and think, I choose not to be there. I know everybody will be there. Even I asked abg not to make a phone call once he out from the arrival hall. And I’ve made my decision as well not to sms him. I don’t want him get busy reading and reply my sms in the car, especially when kakak and his daughter there.

Only Allah knows how my feeling right at that time. I wish that I can talk to him much longer on the phone, but I just kept my wish aside.

There are many things came across my mind since last night. Since I asked him not to call so he did not call me. I’ve been holding the phone till morning…if ..only if he call.

I called him before I left to work, at 7am. He’s still off the mobile. I sms him to let him know where I’m going today. And he returned my call at 10.30am. Unfortunately I set off my mobile. And as usual he leaves the voice message. How I missed that so much voice massage..:)

I went back home early today.

I called him. We talked on the phone before the Solat Jumaat . I want to hear all those stories that people always bring back from tanah suci.
But most of the best news I heard today is, kakak is getting better and they will get son-in-law soon. I’ll write it in another entry.

He was been prayed, I’ve been prayed and I believe, kakak was been prayed as well. We all prayed for the best from Allah.
Abg admitted that he was felt very peaceful, so easy and less worry now.

abang

I miss abang so much

Madinah

Assalamualaikum.

Hello.

Great. Alhamdullillah. Syukur to Allah.

Abg called me last night at 11.15pm. He was sound so cheerful. He's getting "fat" he said. I know he's sound so happy. Been to the place that he wanted to be for so long ago. Alhamdullillah.

He's still in Madinah. He was about to go for Maghrib prayer. I didn;t check my mobile phone. He had sms me before he called. Due to the late reply, he called.

Thanks Allah. I've been missing him. I've been thinking whether he's in a good health or not. But on the phone last night he was definitely very very happy.

We started sms after that. He said, he was felt so peaceful. He can managed the time and spent a lot time in Masjid Nabi s.a.w and he had went to Makam Nabi s.a.w as well. I know he was so happy and grateful that he can be there especially at this moment.

I've reminded him not to stop praying for all of us here. Especially for kakak and all the family members. I asked him to call kakak and his second daugther to ask for his youngest son condition. They were so close back home here. I wonder how was the boy cope with the situation without abg right now. He slept on abg's arms for every night. I pray that little boy is ok.

He'll be leaving to Makkah tonight. And I pray that he can perform his umrah succesfully. without any problems. InsyaAllah.

Bahasa

Bismillahirahmannirrahim.

Ok. Selalu saya menulis dalam bahasa Inggeris. Sejak dari dulu memang itu sikap saya. Saya bukan juga seorang yang mahir berbahasa Inggeris, samada penulisan mahupun lisan.

Tapi memang sejak saya pandai meluahkan rasa hati, saya lebih suka meluahkannya dalam bahasa Inggeris. Ini adalah kerana saya dapati diri saya dapat meluahkan rasa hati dengan lebih tepat dan lancar jika menggunakan bahasa Inggeris. Pelik kan?

Saya lebih yakin jika saya dapat bercakap dalam bahasa kedua ini. Terutama sekali jika saya ingin betul-betul meluahkan apa yang saya rasa. Saya pernah menulis surat cinta yang bila diprint sebanyak 4 muka surat kepada z satu masa dulu, hanya untuk menyatakan apa yang saya rasa terhadapnya pada masa itu..dan dalam Bahasa Inggeris !

begitu juga dengan permulaan untuk menulis blog ini pada tahun lalu. saya mengambil keputusan untuk menulis dlm bahasa inggeris sebab saya merasakan saya lebih banyak perkataan dan idea yang boleh saya curahkan jika saya menggunakan bahasa kedua ini.

Tetapi pada kali ini saya cuba untuk menulis dalam bahasa malaysia. Bukan saya hendak memuji diri tapi pada pengujian kebangsaan semasa SPM dahulu saya berjaya mendapat A1 dlm kertas Bahasa Melayu. Alhamdullilah. Sya rasa di situlah kekuatan saya. Saya suka menulis, walaupun penulisan saya tidak sehebat mana, tapi saya boleh menjana idea saya sendiri dengan bentuk dan acuan saya sendiri.

Jiwa saya sensitif. Saya cepat terasa. Mudah menangis. Cepat belas dan merasa kasihan, walau dlm apa keadaan pun. Mudah rasa kasih dan jatuh sayang, tapi mengambil masa yg agak lama untuk menerapkan rasa yakin pada sesuatu yang saya suka.

Emmmmmmmmmm.. Rasa lain dah. Saya cepat merasa malu bila membaca curahan ini, Rasa amat janggal sungguh bila membacanya semula.

Teringat satu ketika dulu, pernah berbicara dengan abah tentang rasa hati saya. Susah sangat saya nak curahkan kepadanya. Dan di akhirnya saya luncurkan saja tetapi semuanya saya curahkan dalam bahasa inggeris. Abah dah faham. Dia mengerti bila saya berlagak begitu.

Walaupun tidak sehebat mana dan banyak kelemahan di sini sana tapi saya lebih sennag begitu caranya.

Tiada siapa yang baca blog ni selain anonymous yang setia, yang selalu mendengar cecehan saya. Terima kasih kepada anonymous yang selalu memberi nasihat dan ingatan kepada saya. Semoga Allah memberkati keikhlasan beliau. InsyaAllah.

Abg is leaving .......

Hello.
Assalamualaikum.

There will come Monday again.
This will be the longest week for me I guest.

Abg had leaving for perform his umrah just now. He called me few minutes before the boarding. I’ve not called him today. Not even a single call. But I did sms him three times. I know there are many people will be around today. And I’m not wrong about it at all.

He called me 5 minutes before Maghrib and once before he enter the plane. I know he would call me.

I just can talk about 10 minutes on the first call. At last he brought his mobile. Hopefully he had the international roaming service. He told me kakak had cried aloud. She hugged him. I know she might be so sad and felt guilty towards his husband. Abg had told me earlier, last two nights. They had a talk. Abg had said that she will know what it would be when he’s not around anymore.

And I’m very sure, kakak had felt it tonight, the moment she saw abg would left him. Even he will be going for only two weeks, but I think it would give such a big impact to her. I knew it, she’s still love abg.

I’m really happy when abg told me that good news. In the other hand abg said, he was laughed when he saw that. I told him that was not good of him to laugh at her. Kakak had shown her feeling. I know kakak was regret for what she had done to him. She might be very sorry for that. Its just she might felt so ashamed so that she just prefer to be more reserved. Until tonight, when she saw abg was leaving her, now that she know how hard it would be for her.

I’ll pray that she will be okay.

For me….? I will be missing abg for the whole thirteen days. I saw him this morning, but I don’t have a heart to get near to him. I don’t know whether he saw me or not. I felt so sad to see him for leaving. We’ve met on Saturday. That was good enough for me.

He was getting busy when the schedule has been changed. I wish that I can bid him goodbye at the airport. But I hold that wish. Even I’ve been hold myself not even to make a phone call, even I’m really dying to do so. I’m nobody to him either.

This would be a good start again for the whole family. I pray kakak would be changed for good. I hope she’s really learnt from the past. I can feel that this is the good start. The real one. I have never failed to remind abg to pray a lot and pray hard in tanah suci. Pray to Allah that the whole family will get together and everything will be as before.

I’m off to bed now. There will be no wake up call in the morning for me for the coming 2 weeks. I’ll be miss him. Hope to get a sms once he touch down. I pray that abg will be in a good health and can go through to do his umrah without any problems.

I love you abg.

Maybe...................

hi..

Maybe I have to think more and much more about me and abg now.

Get involved with a married man sometimes like blessing, when you think once.

But when you think twice.............it's hard to say.

There are so many things that I want to write in. But i don't have a mood to do that.