Thank you..Thanks... A lot.

Hi.

Thanks to zeeta and sakura for the opinion. I'm really appriciate for that !

Well, life is really totally different right now. I had a very different way of life right now than what I've thought before.

Abg..we're still "friend". I did not seen him anymore since..I met him the last one. But in other hand I've met Z for many times since that.

When I felt that the relationship between me and abg was not going to anywehere plus I'm so scared if kakak and their relatives find out about us, so I've made the decision not to meet him anymore. Even, I'm much very careful with the phone call. I did not make any call from my domestic phone. And I more looking and waiting for his call than to call him. Well, all those just to make a barrier between us. How bad I am, right?

Maybe sakura was right. The loneliness draged me to be with Z. Even I'm tried to dinied it, but partly she got the point there.

I was with Z last Wednesday. Was with him as well, the day and the week before. I've been with him almost every weekend since a month before..i guess. (since the day I met him again).
It was like there's no another day for us. Seems that we had missed each other too much. Seems that we had wasted our precious time. I remember, there was a day I met him on Friday and we met again on Sunday. How sick we were that time.

I'm really came stupid this time. I'm really sick. Is not the point I don't want to meet another man, but it's just I DON"T want anymore. I don't have intention anymore. Even, I feel that I' m not that interested anymore.

But the feeling for Z, is still there. And I'm still respect for abg as well.. And I'm still appreciate for what he had done for me. And till now, we're still good. Abd is still with his agenda. He still wants to marry me. Even I've laid down about that, but for him he still wanted it as before. Well, I can't say anything for that.

Z treat me as before, nothing special. I was near to him last Wednesday due to my work. I'm quite suprised when he came by. We had a dinner together. Even, I'm not feeling well, due the work load as well, but since he was there seems all the troubles go far away.

The most best moment I had was last 3 weeks before I signed in my work in JB. I had to go to JB for some works. So, Z was so "worried" coz we will be a part for a quite long time. Plus he got to go for out station for a week before me leave. I sent him to airport and for the first time since we broke off, we had a special time together again there.

Airport is the most popular place for us. That was the place that we always met. I used to sent or fetch him whenever he got to go for out station. We had a bowl of laksa at LCCT. Z brought me there. I never been there since it was open to public. Then we back to the KLIA 3 hours before his flight. We just got lazy and chat there and I'm totally didn't think about abg.

I felt so bad...actually.

I don't know. Sometimes I felt that I'm using these fellars either Z or abg. But, I know actually the feeling is still with Z. No matter I hate him or people talk bad about him, for me Z is still someone nice to me.

And for abg, even everybody know he's a nice person, but the feeling is not "really" there. I've been cheating myself for this while. Even, I klnow what best for me. Well, it's still a long road. I'm really ashamed for myself for being like this.

Anyway..I'll still keep praying for what the best Allah choose for me.
Amin

Been Away..For A While.

Hiiiii..

Phewww . I was so busy lately. And it was really suprised me that the last entry was posted on June. And now its almost mid of the July. I was not been online since that.

I was been away from home for almost 2 weeks. And I just came back this evening. Its not a complete 2 weeks actually. I was in south for 4 days last week and today just came back from the state that full of history.

Been drove far down to south really made me felt so tired.

Above of all, there are so many things I want to write in here. Got a lots of changes lately. The relationship, abg...and Z.

Emmmmm. I was looked like a "crazy woman" right now. Been away and busy with works really helped me a lot too.I even do not really realized for what I've done lately.

Ok..First, I'll write about abg. I had wrote here about him once he got back from his humanitarian trip. That was about a month ago.

I met him once, few days after that. And that was the last one. There's a story to tell. I met his friend when we were had our dinner. As usual we always been away from this town but not for that night, even we were 80 km away, but that night we've "been" caught".

I was felt 50-50 when I accept the invitation. We took his car that day. And we went down 80 km from here to have our meal. And for that far away, we met someone he know. And I was so regret. And I'm consider that I'm still lucky because his friend did not know me. Furthermore it was night and we were sat in slightly dark place. His friend thought that he was with kakak. Anyway..thanks God. And since then, no more outing.

He was so mad with me for being so scared. It's really make me so scared. And I've been thinking a lot after the incident. If I'm really afraid for that just small matter, how can I over come bigger task than that. :(

I've been refused when ever he asking for go out. I said..no more. I don't want to take any risk anymore. Because I've been feel that, sooner or later, one day we might been caught by someone we know. No way. I don't want that to be happen.

Since that, Its really make me realised that I' m not that ready for to be a second wife for him.

And another thing came at the same time. After the meeting with Z (I've wrote it here in previous entry), there was several meetings followed.

I felt that I'm really, really A BAD WOMAN, at the moment. After all those time I've been with abg, suddenly I turn to Z. Even actually I don't really know what I'm looking forward from him. Being had been together for many years, made me so easy to say yes when he asked for going out. Plus, when I felt that I wanted to been away from abg made me felt much strong to get back to him.

Get BACK to him???????????????????????

Noooooooooooooooooooooooo. I won't make the same mistake.

But, beleive me, it's almost happen now. Well, I know what I want for myself. Dida always remind me for what I did lately. I said...yes, I will still keep within it.

And the bad was, I've met Z four times in those past 3 weeks. Even, last week, we had met twice. That will be another story. I'll write it in my another entry.

I got to take my sleep now. Nite.

Missed zeeta and hello to sakura.