Thank you..Thanks... A lot.

Hi.

Thanks to zeeta and sakura for the opinion. I'm really appriciate for that !

Well, life is really totally different right now. I had a very different way of life right now than what I've thought before.

Abg..we're still "friend". I did not seen him anymore since..I met him the last one. But in other hand I've met Z for many times since that.

When I felt that the relationship between me and abg was not going to anywehere plus I'm so scared if kakak and their relatives find out about us, so I've made the decision not to meet him anymore. Even, I'm much very careful with the phone call. I did not make any call from my domestic phone. And I more looking and waiting for his call than to call him. Well, all those just to make a barrier between us. How bad I am, right?

Maybe sakura was right. The loneliness draged me to be with Z. Even I'm tried to dinied it, but partly she got the point there.

I was with Z last Wednesday. Was with him as well, the day and the week before. I've been with him almost every weekend since a month before..i guess. (since the day I met him again).
It was like there's no another day for us. Seems that we had missed each other too much. Seems that we had wasted our precious time. I remember, there was a day I met him on Friday and we met again on Sunday. How sick we were that time.

I'm really came stupid this time. I'm really sick. Is not the point I don't want to meet another man, but it's just I DON"T want anymore. I don't have intention anymore. Even, I feel that I' m not that interested anymore.

But the feeling for Z, is still there. And I'm still respect for abg as well.. And I'm still appreciate for what he had done for me. And till now, we're still good. Abd is still with his agenda. He still wants to marry me. Even I've laid down about that, but for him he still wanted it as before. Well, I can't say anything for that.

Z treat me as before, nothing special. I was near to him last Wednesday due to my work. I'm quite suprised when he came by. We had a dinner together. Even, I'm not feeling well, due the work load as well, but since he was there seems all the troubles go far away.

The most best moment I had was last 3 weeks before I signed in my work in JB. I had to go to JB for some works. So, Z was so "worried" coz we will be a part for a quite long time. Plus he got to go for out station for a week before me leave. I sent him to airport and for the first time since we broke off, we had a special time together again there.

Airport is the most popular place for us. That was the place that we always met. I used to sent or fetch him whenever he got to go for out station. We had a bowl of laksa at LCCT. Z brought me there. I never been there since it was open to public. Then we back to the KLIA 3 hours before his flight. We just got lazy and chat there and I'm totally didn't think about abg.

I felt so bad...actually.

I don't know. Sometimes I felt that I'm using these fellars either Z or abg. But, I know actually the feeling is still with Z. No matter I hate him or people talk bad about him, for me Z is still someone nice to me.

And for abg, even everybody know he's a nice person, but the feeling is not "really" there. I've been cheating myself for this while. Even, I klnow what best for me. Well, it's still a long road. I'm really ashamed for myself for being like this.

Anyway..I'll still keep praying for what the best Allah choose for me.
Amin