Love sometimes Hurt

Hello.

Agree with me with that statement? Yes, it does..right?

Some people they might be lucky, if they find their true love at the first sight in the first time. But some they have got to go through for many times. Or they just find one but have to wait for a long time to be true.

Some people, they will just take easy in this thing called "love". But most they are very consent for this beautiful thing we called "love". There's will be no different when we get to one point.

I've been seriously in love for the past 8 years. I've been told him so that I'll not marry anyone else accept him. How it's too good to be true..right? But, no doubt, people in love will say anything..anything..i bet you.!

But thing change. Everything is change. I maybe no longer want to stay for another year or years. This is hurt...see..love is hurt..sometimes. No matter what, I have to move. Not to let the love to conquer.

And another thing, it change to other view. I'm in love again, but maybe in the different situation. Am still grateful, that the love is still there...but maybe the degree would not be the same as before. How much you love might not be count anymore...but to love fullest is most what you wanted to.

Being in love in 20's will not be the same when you're in mid 30. The condition and preference for that is totaly change now. People might be quite matured and the expectation is not same as 10 years before. Above of it, the most important is, you still want to love and to be loved...that's it.

I love abg as I love Z as before, but I'm pretty sure not as the same as I had for Z. That would not be count too, coz' sometimes, I've not decide yet for to be or not to be.

Thanks God

Hello.

It's been awhile, am not writing. Been busy lately and not feeling well.

It started last Monday, when I felt something wrong with my body. I felt uneasy, uncomfortable, not really healthy....felt sick. I've been thinking if my back dark history will come back. Been few months "sick" was a very sorry for me. Since I "got back" myself after I recovered I've told myself, I don't want it happen again...not again in the future.

But suprisely, last Monday, I felt, that it seems will "happen" again. I strictly told myself..NO..NO...I WON'T LET IT BE. I WON'T LET IT CONQUER ME!!

Above of all, I thank God for sent abg to me. He helped me a lot to go through for the past 2 days. Sometimes, it seems I've been not grateful for what God gave me. I pray, he prays, we pray.

And thank God, Ive got my self back. I feel healthy.

Love and it meaning by all

I just want to talk about love. All about love. I'm in love before. And I'm in love right now. And I'm very sure, I'll be inlove in the future. I wanna be in love....for the whole of my life.

Love, from the young to old ..everyone know what love is all about. right?

Today, kakak sms me. She remind me about our promised. We had made a promised months ago. Since that I never forget. She thought I've forgot it. But, I never. All that just because of love. She loves abg..I know that. And abg as well...he loves kakak, but its just for the time being kakak is just in process of healing. So, that she getting bit weird. But I'm pretty sure, it will getting better soon.

In the other hand, me... abg loves me too. But because of the promised that I've made, I can't go on. Abg has to understand the situation. I love him too, but I can't put love as a reason to proceed. I won't. I love kakak too. I know how she's felt right now.

So, in the name of love, we can't just simply do for what we want. Do consider others. And I'm still grateful that abg loves me as he do to kakak. :)

Love

Hi,

It's been a while I'm not write in. I met Z, last week. At last after a quite long silence without phone, sms , email or messages, we met again last week in the very fine evening. And its just get happened like that without any plan.

Even Z had accompany me to the doctor. I'm glad that he still wants to do it. I thought its over already. But this time I saw theres so many changes. We are not like before. Same goes to my feeling towards him. Its just not like usual. I felt there's a barrier. I don't know, but I just felt that we like strangers. I felt that I'm not attracted anymore. (or it may just my feeling). He seems so "cold".

We went to the beach. I drove more 80kms just for being with him. I've been thinking that we could be better, but it's just nothing than been so tired. And I felt that its was not worth it for what I've had on that day.

Or, its just of my feeling. I'm so stupid for the time being. I even do not know to choose for what I want for myself. I hate to choose.

But one thing that I'm very sure, I do missed abg the moment Z left me. That will be another story. Maybe to be the second wife is my real destiny.

Be Or Not To Be

Hello.

I made a phone call today after a quite long silence. I phoned Z. Been 'away' for quite sometimes really make the relationship stronger..i guess. Less talk is better, sometimes. Its been about 4 weeks we did not keep in touch whether by phone, email or message. I am about to forget him..actually. But today...I'm the one who at last make a phone called. Even he has been called me for few times last week but he never wants to commit that he did...well..man, they will not put down their ego that easily.

Anyway, we had a short talk but nice. And we did continued online. We had a short chat as well, but very brief , I guess. It will takes time. I've made a decision not to contact or see him anymore....but its seem so hard. I don't know. I don't know....sometimes I'm feel so low, that I can't make a stand in such this simple thing.

At the end of the day...I'm happy for what I had today. I'm satisfied.

But, there's another story about abg. He called as well...and as usual, he's been so nice to me. I'm so sad, that the feeling is not right there for him. But I still want to try.
Am I that bad person?

Z

How would you do that, make a call and just keep quiet over there.

"To love someone is to understand each other, to laugh together, to smile with your heart and to trust one another. One important thing is to let each other go if you can't do this."

"Love starts from the heart, not the eye."

Sometimes Memories Do Come Back

Hello.
I got a big news today. I've been appointed to be a leader for one well-planned visit to our capital city Kuala Lumpur. I got to bring few middle age people plus few quite educated people and some children.It was an honor for me .

Well,I've been decided not to go to Kuala Lumpur for this short time. Well..I'm just told myself few weeks ago, that I would just go there only maybe few days before X'mas. But for the sake of these few people..its seems that I have to be there earlier before 25th Dec.

Emmm..and again KLCC will be the first choice place to go. I hate to go there, again!. As I said..memories do come back. No matter how hard you want to leave it behind, but sometimes, it would just came. For the past few years, KL and this small town was not any distance for me. I just can reach there at any day and any time I want to. Whether by train or drive, within few hours I'll be in the heart of the city.

Having dinner at Madan Kwan is the best thing I want to do whenever I was there. Especially with Z. Yes, Z was the best reason everytime I reached KL. If not of him, KL is just nothing for me. Love brought me there....that time. Having tea and share a slice of tiramisu at the Secret Recipe was the greatest moment as well. Even sitting silently for hours with just a cup of coffee, was million tremendous sweet moment too.

*sigh*

I can't think about it anymore. I thought I'm strong enough to forget all those moments. But, memories do come back...at time. I want to fight it. Learn to forgive is easy but not to forget. Letting go something that we love so much was not easy as we thought. I have look forward positively. Not to remember any that been past. Its just that I have to be strong. Not an ordinary kind of strong but the really really really strong ..extra ordinary strong.

Do Say Something

Hello,

It's about an hour to midnight.
So many things had been happened just for these two days. Its was a very very tiring two days after the silence weekend. I just hope that I can sleep peacefully till next morning.

I want to write something relate to communication'. I'm so pity for one of my best friend's life. He's been married for about 25 years but recently he told me that he did not talk seriously anymore with his wife for about nearly 6 months.

I pity on him. I told him what a purpose to be husband and wife if they failed to communicate to each other. And the worst is for almost half of the year. Maybe this is the example of the trend of marriage life in this age. People tend to skip all the simple things such as "talk" for no reason. Pity.

For myself, in the making of to be the second wife, I'll make sure that, it won't be happen to my own marriage. Talk...that's is the only way to solve problems. If you don't talk, there will be no solution. Please do say something, even you feel hate to do so. Sometimes, it may hurt or bitter to accept, but that might be the best for us. How would we able to solve it, if all the things are keep inside. Then again...we need to talk.

Sometimes, people say its too good to be true, but for me I'll try to make that something good to be true. And again, to be or not to be is depends on you. You're the one who got to choose.

A Silence Weekend

4th September '05

Hello..

What a good weekend I had this week. I attended a nice and funy wedding yesterday. I was there with my auntie on be half of the bride side. The bride's mother was already there (with us) since 11.45am,but the bride's father is still about 5okm aways from the place..:)

When the communication was break down..sometimes, everything will be not in order. That was happened in the wedding. The bride and the groom were ready with all the 'kompang' but the people from the bride's side were not really there. So, once they start, the bride and the groom should proceed...and just 8 of us included the bride and the groom, while the mother and (bride's sister) still wanted to wait for her husband. For me it was funny...but I just proceed because I don't want to ruined people's party..especially special ceremony liked that.

We went back home to our lovely homestay. It's been many weeks we haven't got been together. We had a good and nice tea with pisang goreng. We talked as usual, so many gossips and stories that we had been kept for few weeks. Sometimes, it's really nice for having a time like this after a long weeks working.

After had a nice dinner at tbd, we went back home and continue the unfinised stories. So many plans and projects came out, and proposals as well. That were the things I like most when we all got together once in a month. But, I am not sure which one will turn to reality..hehehhe. Anyhow...its still the best thing to do whenever we were in our own homestay. I love that house. Everybody do too.

And, back home..as usual I'll make sure I'll get my complete rest to start a new day tomorrow. The whole day I just lay back and had a good sleep till late noon. That what I called "A Silence Weekend".

Untill, I had a called just now. Abg called just to tell he missed me so much. Sometimes, I'm not sure, do I missed him that much too. Or do I love him as much as he loves me. I like him, but I may not love. That was what I'm really concern now. I have to be realistic. "Like" and "love" maybe same for some people but not to me.

Its not easy when someone loves you. I don't have a heart to let down someone's feeling. I hope I won't. Thanks abg to tell me that. Hope everythings will be ok.

Need to get my sleep. Nite, sweet dream.

Second Wife

Preparing myself to be the second wife is the one thing that never across my mind before. Even before I never compromise with this situation. Love should not be divide or share or for me it something "whole" for everyone. I never been thinking (deeply_ about this before.)

But people may change eventually. So do I. And now... am on my way on making myself to be the second wife.I know some people won't be fully agree with me while some might feel right with me. I am not wanting sympathy or some sort of it. Its just something that have to do myself and to face whatever it may come after this.

Well, as says goes. life if short, so make it fullest. But that was not really suit with me. For me, life "might" be short...so, I just want to do the best for myself. Something good, better or best for me might not be the best for others. We can’t satisfied everyone's need or favour. As long we can give the best to others and the rest just leave to the God's hand.

So, I hope this will be a good start for me. AM still in the making. Whether I'll be success or not I'll just leave to the God's hand. For me. I’ll keep the things as good as I can.

cahaya

he like a cahaya to me.

Dear God,

I'm so thankful for giving him to me at the right time. I beleive you God.

Happiness

How or what is the best to desribe "happiness". Today as usual I've been wake up by abg. He'e been so nice to me. I've no idea when he did tell me that he has been waiting for years just to be friend with me. And he's so happy that he did...eventually.

He called me every morning before 6.30am. He called me everynight before 10.30pm. That a must..he admit. Well...I am so lucky. But would that mean happiness to me? Maybe yes. I don't know.

It's really hard when someone you know for many years as just a friend..came one day and told that he loves you so much. Would that be a sign of happiness too? I remember mum had told me, if you want to marry someone..mmarry who someone who're really loves you..not the one you love. That's was one of the best advise that I'll keep in my heart.

Having someone who really showed that he cares, loves and been so responssibles is really a gift. I just looked it as a gift from God. Thanks God. He came at the time, that I feel that i don't really need a 'man' in my life. I want to remain single..but he proved to me that was not a good choose. (I can't be like that).

And again...I guess I'm like to started something that I should called " a new life". Well, I'm not really happy to do this. But I'll try my best.

Goodbye August 2005

And again, August came as before and left me as just before as well.
I forgive for that. And still, I am happy for what i had and having right now.
God bless. Amin.