Never Give Up

Hello.

What a “short” holidays. I wish that we can continue till end of this week. Anyway, work is work; everybody has to go tomorrow except for those in Wilayah.

I had a great of holidays as well. Even I just stayed at home for the past of three days, but it’s still okay, because we have full house for the rest of the straight three days. Making people came to my house was a pleasure to me. I love to be around with my respective relatives, especially when comes to long holidays.

Anything can be done. Preparing for the breakfast, lunch, tea time and dinner together was the best moments when everyone was around. Not mention about “story telling” session. From the small story till the big one, even some were not related to any of us. Anyway, what else we an expect when women get together at one time.

And for me, I just felt a bit “weird” and sometimes felt “lonely” though many people around.

Abg got back to home. I know, he won’t be longer leave the house. I can say that. He’s really responsible. He knows his responsible towards kakak, and the children. I’ve reminded him as well, not to leave more than three days. Even if he managed to control his anger as soon than three days, I advised him to go home.

Even kakak was changed a bit too. She started to talk, much friendly, I guess. She started to do her routine, which she had “forgotten” for quit sometimes. Even, today abg told me, she had changed her attire. I wish she really wanted to change for good, this time. I heard as well, all the children were at home too. Plus the relatives (abg’s sister and brothers) were there too.

I’ve told abg, we have to believe strongly, Allah had said “there will come easiness after the difficulties”. I will continue to pray that he will get for what he had dreamed for so long. He deserves it.

In the other hand, I felt that, my mission is almost come to the end. I’ve been thinking last night, after my Isya’ prayer. I’ve been sitting and thinking, that how great Allah, that Allah gave me a chance to meet him year ago. Even there are so many hard times, but I believe it were full of hikmah.

But for abg, he was going through it for more than years, before we close to each other. I’m grateful to Allah, that with that meeting, abg coincidently felt much calmer than before. I’m very sure about that. Even abg had admitted that he felt so easy with me. So that I think that he can think much positively. Especially when the time that he needs to take any decisions.

How great Allah, right? Allah Almighty.

For me, I should think again to proceed. When everything has been okay, why I should interfere. I should leave abg with his family. But I don’t want to tell him about that. Because abg will not agree with me. He was telling me for so many times, for any how, even kakak will be get better and better, he still wants to marry me.

Love. I did not deny it. Yes, the feeling is there. Even it is still not strong enough, but I do admit as well, that I like (love) him. But I do not want to put high expectation on that matter. I prefer to take easy in this kind of matter. Yes, of course I want to get married, but not to rush in.

Especially, when it come to this moment. When I see that everything seems getting back on the right track, it will be bad if me do the other way round. Their happiness is my happiness too. I should be happy. And I am happy.

And I want to feel happy as well, not to think about to be with abg too.
I am thinking to back off. But I don’t know how.
I know abg will get up set if I tell him about this. He is never wanted to be apart from me. Never, he said.

Well….life is not easy.
But I will never give up.

Dear Allah, please guide me till the end of my life.