Everything Will Be New ..Again...

Hi,

Almost one week we had been through our new year. For me it is just as same as those days. New Year or not is not a big deal. I even do not have any new resolution(s). I’m not into making any resolution kind of person. Not a really big event for me for every time, when the “New Year” came.

And today, I went to see Abg at his place. We haven’t met since Christmas. I made my mind this morning after I had my short break. I heard from one of my friend, he was so thin now. So I made up my mind to pay a visit.

At lunch time, before he left for Friday prayer, I stopped by to “visit” him. He didn’t know that I’ll come to his place today. I did not call him. He was so busy the moment I arrived there. I came from the back, and I gave him a smile once he turned around.

I asked him how his life is now. As usual, he would answer “okay”. He always okay all the time. Whatever he had or how hard the time he had, he is always says okay. That perseverance he had in himself was I admired most. I really admire him for that.

I know, since the incident before the New Year, was the bad one that he ever had in his life. But until now he’s still keep within himself. I know he was so sad for what had happened to him, but with the strong believe in Allah, he just took it with his open heart. “Tiada yg dijadikan oleh Allah itu sia-sia bagi hambaNya,” he said. There must be hikmah for what had happened. He strongly believes on that. I do agree with him, too.

I was there for about ten minutes. We had a chat. I was asking about the case and the progress. And I noticed that he was looked at me like he had not seen me for ages. He called me few times after I got back from KL. He had asked me to stop by, before the New Year. But I just don’t have a time. I’ve been busy preparing for my work ahead, that time.

I know, he missed me so much. He was so anxious telling me for what he had in Kam’s (his best friend) place last three days. He was in Kamarul’s house last Tuesday. He told me Kam, Zam and Shid were so angry for what had happened to him. They wanted him to take action for this time. And do not give any chance to them. And he told me that they were so agree and wanted to help him in his second marriage plan.

I can’t believe for what I heard, when he said that. I thought he had laid down all that issue. And he just smiles while he told me that he won’t look back. He told me that he had made his step and he will go for it, no matter what from now on. Slowly, he convinced me “I’ll marry you this year, don’t worry”. He admitted that he will never concern if I do not want to continue or refused to keep the relationship as it should be. He will do for what he wanted to do right now and he will work for it, no matter what and no matter how. He said, he will come one day and only that day that I can give my answer.

I know why he acted like that. I think he knows me better by now. He had seen me changed my mind for many times. I’m too weak to face all those circumstances. He asked me not to think about it anymore until the day come. He wants me to let him to organize all by him for the time being. He did not want me to be worry anymore. He knows that for more me thinking (about us); it will be harder for me to take it.

He knows as well, that kakak and the children will be the first thing in my mind when ever I’m thinking about us. The marriage that we want built is not just for two of us, but it would be concern with kakak and the whole family that abg have right now. I don’t want to think about myself only. They have a feeling as well, and I’ going to be sharing their loved one…their father and her husband.

Yes, that was what I wanted to do for the time being. I don’t want to think about it so much. Even at certain time, I felt I wanted to left all those things behind.

Seeing him not give up with his “intention”, I’ve nothing to say about it. It’s all by him now. I won’t do anything and I’ll only can wait and see for what will happen in the future. And so far, everything was almost unconditionally happened. Sometimes, we plan but it would not happen as we planned.

Once again, I leave it to Allah. Allah knows better what is best for HIM and for us.

Anyway, I felt grateful today. Syukur.

And I know, abg still loves me, even much than before. I can see that today.
No matter how bad I’ve done to him for these past few days, but he never changed how he felt towards me. I can see that from the way he talked and looked at me.

How can I let go this kind of man ?