I did only the simple simple thing...

Hi.

I was about off to bed just now. But I can't sleep. I woke up (again) and switched on the light. I've been talking to myself, while am trying to fall asleep.

I had a talked with abg this afternoon. I received a "quite fishy" sms from him last night. I've told abg not to mention again about the "plan". I am quite suprised that he's still going on with his intention. I know, it was a noble and good intention, but it is not in a correct time.

Even I've set my mind to pull out all those things relate to the plan. No more talk about wedding, marriage or all so about it. No more ! The thing was different now.

But, this afternoon, he was so sad on the phone. I don't know whether he just wanted my attention. He told me that, that I was just simply want to break his heart by telling for what I had in the past. I know he was jealous in anything for happened in the past. The past is past. I agree.

Then, the impact is...I can't sleep. I've been thinking about him..much now (again). Then, I was just remember for what we had last week, during our trip to down south.

I just did simple simple things, which I think that was really won his heart. I bet, he seldom get that fully intention, or maybe its been quite long time since both of them (abg n kakak) were very busy.
I remember, we stopped at one very quiet restaurant 5km away from Bandar S and we had a roti canai. And that was the only Muslim restaurant while the rest were non halal. I put the kuah for him, wash his hand with the "kendi" provided". And he was just smileeeee all the way. I know he was happy.

Then, we got to back to bandar J and heading to MR. He's been complaint that he need to take his lunch immediately. I know he is starving. We went to one nice and cozy restaurant, and he had a plate of rice with ikan bakar. I served him, open the ikan bakar's wrapper, pour some cicah on it, and again..he was looked so happy.

Back in car, he said" what a nice and blessing day"( for him lah). I know he is happy. He's been so "lonely" for so long time.

"let me take care of you, no matter what, dear" he said. He did confess that he is really really love me.

"sigh"

I'm really sick of this. I want it, but I can't. I've not only think twice, but almost hundreds time. Allah sent me a right person, but at the wrong time and situation. I still bersyukur for that. In just that I can't stand the dugaan and cabaran.

Then, we were heading back to home town, but we were decided to took another route. Had a chocolate and opened the bottle's cap for him as well, made double pleasure for him. In his 50's and been served like that was the greatest...he said.

I told him, I did nothing, but only the simple simple thing. But he admit that the simple simple things that make the big different.

He admit that he's really melt when he looked at my face. Whenever I spoke his heart will melt, he said. I know, this is the greatest dugaan for him. He's been learned a lots. He knows a lots. He is in the process to take care of his "hati". Learning tasauf is not easy. I told him, I was the biggest "dugaan" that Allah sent to him.
But he always denied about that, coz he said, there we many before,but not this time. This time Allah send me for to be his wife, for real.....

"sigh" and again...im sick.

Am not trying to said that I'm trying to win his heart. But I just love to do that. But the most great things we did was we had prayed at the same mosque together. That was the best thing for me. For long time, I've been looking for man that really care about the solah. People tend to left this simple yet very important "job". But we never forgot that. Thanks to Allah, and alhamdullillah, we managed to behave ourselves. Abg and me were really strict and alert with adab and syariat.
Most of the time, he taught me few about solah and shahadah. We listened to the recorded agama lesson that he had year ago with his bestfriend.
Even I know, been just two of us in the car for the whole day was still salah di sisi agama. Till to the end of the day, the moment I got home, am still thinking, for what I did for the rest of my day that day. I should not do that, but am only human. Sometimes I made mistakes.

The guilty is still there ! When u doing something wrong and against priciple(s), of course the burden will go with you. It will haunted you. Salah ke aku ni. Of course...salah tetap salah. I terima.

Am still praying time to time, that Allah will always keep looking at all of us...abg, kakak, me, my family and his family. May Allah bless us.